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| Wednesday, February 07, 2007 |
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The Daffodil Principle I took this from a blog I adore. It's really kick ass.Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, "Mother, you must come to see the daffodils before they are over." I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead "I will come next Tuesday", I promised a little reluctantly on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and reluctantly I drove there. When I finally walked into Carolyn's house I was welcomed by the joyful sounds of happy children. I delightedly hugged and greeted my grandchildren. "Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in these clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see badly enough to drive another inch!" My daughter smiled calmly and said, "We drive in this all the time, Mother." "Well, you won't get me back on the road until it clears, and then I'm heading for home!" I assured her. "But first we're going to see the daffodils. It's just a few blocks," Carolyn said. "I'll drive. I'm used to this." "Carolyn," I said sternly, "please turn around." "It's all right, Mother, I promise. You will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience." After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church. On the far side of the church, I saw a hand lettered sign with an arrow that read, " Daffodil Garden ." We got out of the car, each took a child's hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path. Then, as we turned a corner, I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it over the mountain peak and its surrounding slopes. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, creamy white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, and saffron and butter yellow. Each different-colored variety was planted in large groups so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue. There were five acres of flowers. "Who did this?" I asked Carolyn. "Just one woman," Carolyn answered. "She lives on the property. That's her home." Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house, small and modestly sitting in the midst of all that glory. We walked up to the house. On the patio, we saw a poster. "Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking", was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. "50,000 bulbs," it read. The second answer was, "One at a time, by one woman. Two hands, two feet, and one brain." The third answer was, "Began in 1958." For me, that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than forty years before, had begun, one bulb at a time, to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountaintop. Planting one bulb at a time, year after year, this unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. One day at a time, she had created something of extraordinary magnificence, beauty, and inspiration. The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration. That is, learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time--often just one baby-step at time--and learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time. When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world ... "It makes me sad in a way," I admitted to Carolyn. "What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five or forty years ago and had worked away at it 'one bulb at a time' through all those years? Just think what I might have been able to achieve!" My daughter summed up the message of the day in her usual direct way. "Start tomorrow," she said. She was right. It's so pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson of celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, "How can I put this to use today?" Use the Daffodil Principle. Stop waiting..... Until your car or home is paid off Until you get a new car or home Until your kids leave the house Until you go back to school Until you finish school Until you clean the house Until you organize the garage Until you clean off your desk Until you lose 10 lbs. Until you gain 10 lbs. Until you get married Until you get a divorce Until you have kids Until the kids go to school Until you retire Until summer Until spring Until winter Until fall Until you die.. There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt, and, Dance like no one's watching.  EE danced at 9:58 PM (6) comments |
| Sunday, December 03, 2006 |
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Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow  Oh the weather outside is frightfulBut the fire is so delightful  And since we've no place to go Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!  It doesn't show signs of stopping And I've bought some corn for popping The lights are turned way down low  Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! When we finally kiss goodnight How I'll hate going out in the storm!  But if you'll really hold me tight All the way home I'll be warm  The fire is slowly dying And, my dear, we're still goodbying  But as long as you love me so Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!  EE danced at 10:27 PM (12) comments |
| Sunday, November 12, 2006 |
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I just....I don't know I have loved my blog. There was a time when writing here meant *everything* to me. It was my place to vent, to share with my friends, to meet new people, to write about my life......Then things happened. Actually, several 'things' happened. One wasn't because of the other like certain people may think. I came to the conclusion that I could not be in my marriage any longer and finally found the strength to do something about it. At this same point in my life I became involved with a very close, good friend of mine (MOMD). I was attacked. This friend of mine was attacked. I withdrew from my 'safe haven' that I had used in the past to make me feel better and sane, and meanwhile while that drama was going on, there was a lot more behind the scenes that was taking place. Things I refuse to write about here. Things that involved my soon to be ex and I. Not okay things. I spent weeks in terror, having nightmares from these things. Afraid to spend the night in my own home because I felt scared and unsafe. MOMD came to my rescue and turned out to be my savior. Enabled my children and I to once again regain some normalcy and consistency and return to our lives as best we could. And I was reminded on numerous occasions of that game "Telephone"........everyone sits in a circle and one person whispers a secret, a phrase, a short story, something to the person next to them and that person is supposed to whisper the exact same thing to the person next to THEM, and so on. But you always count on by like the third person, the story, phrase, whatever had changed slightly and definately by the time this blurb made the full circle it was an entirely different version. To the point the first person would be like "HUH?!". Well. Telephone became my life. Everyone had their own inflated version of what was going on. Yet next to no one came to the original sources to find out what really happened regarding ANY of these 'things'. AND just getting one person's opinion DOES NOT mean you have the "correct" one. I mean, what's that saying "there are always two sides to a story"???? There is. Always. I think it's incredibly important to remember this. I'm not making sense to many of you, I guess. This has been an incredibly trying and difficult week for me. And the weekend was even more so. I am sad. For so many reasons. But some other things are heavy on my mind. Things like, the fact that numerous people feel it's ok to read other people's emails. And that, just because one person involved says 'so and so' does NOT make it RIGHT. Or what is *really* going on. I'm rambling. All I'm trying to say is I feel incredibly violated. For over a year my husband stalked my every move. And when he moved out it became worse. I have discovered that people I would not wish to read this, have. I suppose that's a non issue. What I write here is public. But I have tried to keep it private and away from the eyes of some people. And now those people have read it. Are reading it. Copies have been made and are be distrubuted to other people. Other people, that I would not wish to share 'this' portion of my life with, are being encouraged to read it. I can't write here anymore. My site has become a place where I can no longer express or have an opinion. Gone are the days of looking forward to writing here each day. Gone are the days where I could vent and feel better. I don't know what I plan on doing in the future regarding 'here'. I just know I can no longer be me. I find that thought very....disheartening, and sad. I guess there is a small part of me that is angry about that as well. But at this point, I can't harbor anymore animosity. I'm spent. I will have to give a great deal more thought into what I want to do about my blog. There is a good chance I will move it. Anonymously. If that happens, I will let the people that care, know. But, like I said. My thoughts are muddled and tainted with ick. So I'll have to invest more thought, sane thought, into it. The last thing I want to mention is that I offer a heartfelt apology to those whom I have hurt. .........::::sigh:::::......... EE danced at 4:20 PM (18) comments |
| Sunday, September 10, 2006 |
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Happy Birthday to my Angel  Starlight, starbrightFirst star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might. Wish a wish, I wish tonight........  Sleepyhead, sleepyhead, eyes so blue,Travel through kingdoms where you are the queen. A crown of diamonds for your head, A splendid throne and castles grand. And you are adored, throughout the land......  Angels come from up above,to show you God's eternal love. They keep you safe from harm, they surround you with their loving arms. Just listen with an open ear, and they will calm your every fear. Have you ever thought you heard, an angel's soft and gentle word? Angels come from up above, to show God's eternal love.  Close your eyes and wish for the one thingYou cannot do without, and when you do, Near your heart you'll find it, always there, Treasure that is dear but not so rare, Held in the mesh that all your dreams flow through. In truth, no gift more happiness can bring, And so this day I give my love to you.  My daughter turned seven yesterday..... She came into my life four weeks early. A tiny little soul, weighing only 4 pounds, 10 ounces. She was diagnosed with IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Retardation/Restriction) early on and it was finally decided that she would thrive better upon coming into the world. And she did. My tiny little miracle of a daughter, that I had wished upon every falling star I saw, came into my life at 3:59PM on September 9, 1999.She is simply the most empathetic, kind hearted, sweetest person I have ever met in my entire being. She has her feelings hurt easily. And only wants to please. She makes her day to day goal to help others in any possible way that she can. She is smart and funny and creative. She can spend hours on end thinking up and working on art projects. She is a girly girl through and through. Yet spends five hours a week at gymnastics pouring her heart into being the best that she can be. Loves to play catch, soccer, ride horses and can keep up, with out uttering a single complaint, on six mile hikes. She is amazing.  Happy Birthday!!!EE danced at 5:03 AM (9) comments |
| Sunday, August 13, 2006 |
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~Beauty of a Woman~ The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes,Because that is the doorway to her heart, The place where love resides.  The beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives,The passion that she shows.  The beauty of a womanWith passing years--only grows.  A truly beautiful woman, both inside and out, that I admire a *great* deal gave this to me years ago. I stumbled across it while looking for something yesterday. And it stuck with me. Honest, lovely words, I think. :) EE danced at 10:00 AM (5) comments |
| Saturday, June 17, 2006 |
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What the world needs now, Is love, sweet loveIt's the only thing that there's just too little of. What the world needs now Is love, sweet love, No, not just for some but for everyone.
-Jackie DeShannon EE danced at 8:54 AM (6) comments |
| Saturday, May 27, 2006 |
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Happy Birthday to that special little man in my life  After six months of trying to talk husband into another baby, two heartbreaking miscarriages, jumping through hoops medically, three months of bed rest and an extremely closely monitored pregnancy....my son was born May 27 at 10:42pm, weighing 5lbs2oz (he was a peanut, but still 8oz more than my daughter), 17"long.So in honor of his third birthday (holy cow, I can not BELIEVE he's THREE, yikes!) I dug through IV using the advanced search and found his birth story I had posted. ________________________ Ok, where to start. I had an appt Thurs (5/22) and was only a fingertip dialated and about 40% effaced but my cervix was extremely short. We discussed that bc of how far away we lived from the hospital (1.5hrs) she was worried that when I did go into labor I would be delivering in the car and the way things were looking that she would check me again Tues (5/27) and would schedule an induction then (which we had already been pretty much planning on considering we knew this was another IUGR baby). Monday (which happened to be Memorial Day) I had some pretty bad cramping and contrax and thought we would have to go to the hospital because my dr had said not to wait for anything too regular because it would be too late, that if I even *felt* like I might be in labor to hurry in (but it ended up being nothing). I had an appt Tues a/m at 8:30, I was 37wks along. I was 3cm dialated and 50% effaced. Things looked good at that point. Then she sent me to have an u/s to test my amniotic fluid level. That's when things got interesting. It should be *at least* 5 and mine was under 2. The tech was able to find 2 small pockets and that was IT. Then I had a NST done, which was ok but towards the end also started not looking so great. My Dr decided right then that I needed to head straight to the hospital to be induced immediately. I was so surprised and scatterbrained. THANK GOODNESS I had been carrying my hospital bag and daughter's around in my car because there wasn't even time to go home and finalize things there or anything. The most disappointing thing was that my Dr would not be able to deliver him. I absolutely love her and we were both hoping so badly that she would be able to be there, but it just wasn't possible.  So I called my husband and told him I was coming to pick him up (he was fortunately working near my dr's office), we dropped off daughter at my mom's school and headed to the hospital. They started the Pitocin at 1:30 w/ the plan to increase the levels every 30min-1hr. They warned me that a lot of times babies w/ low amniotic fluid don't handle the contrax that well and that's why they were starting so slowly w/ the Pit and that any sign of distress I would have to have a c-section. Which threw me a bit. At 5:30 they checked me and I was still 3 cm but 75% effaced and they broke my water. My contrax immediately picked up at that point. Although I had really hoped to go natural this time, I knew that being completely bedbound bc of the monitors and Pitocin that I would most likely be unable to but would go as long as I could w/o anything. At 7:30 I was experiencing horrible back labor, I felt SO much pressure and the contrax were so close together and so intense I couldn't get a handle on them. I asked for the epi then. They checked me and I was 4cm and completely effaced. I got the epi at 8 but it only took on the L side. So from 8-10 they did all sorts of things to try to get the epi to take on my R as well. It was so wierd! I guess it was better than not having one at all but they were sooooooooo incredibly intense on my R side. My son's heartrate was dipping quite a bit w/ the contrx and they decided they needed to put an internal heartrate monitor on him (in his head, ick!) and an internal thing that would check my contrax as well, when they checked me, I was only 5cm (this was at 10ish). Immediately after they did that his heartrate dropped to under 40. The room was immediately filled w/ nurses, dr's, I couldn't even see my Husband because there were so many people in the room. They flipped me over on my L side to try to increase blood flow and put me on oxygen. Up until this point his heartrate had been dipping a bit w/ the contrax and they were some concerned but not horribly so. I was so scared, I was sure I was going to be whipped off to have an emergency c-section. But his heartrate went back up w/ everything they were doing and it looked ok. By this time my epi was working on both sides but bc they had to keep giving me so much I now couldn't feel my legs AT ALL. The objective was for me to be able to still feel/move my legs so that when it was time to push I could. Anyways, at this point Husband called his parents and my mom to update them and let them know it would be awhile still bc I was only 5cm. I had been horribly nautious, was throwing up and they went to check me again and there was his head, my Dr said I wasn't kidding when I said it would go fast, lol(the exact same thing had happened w/ my daughter, they had checked me and said it would be several hours, I began puking and *poof* there she was w/in minutes). They quickly got everything prepped and called in a special pediatric team to stand by bc he was IUGR and had shown signs of distress. I pushed through 3 contrax and there he was at 10:42! I didn't tear or anything, it was an incredibley easy delivery. The only shocking part was his dark black hair, lol! My daughter had had *some* hair but it was very blond. His apgar's were 9 and 9, which everyone was thrilled about seeing how the labor had gone. _________________________  My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He has taught me patience, and to be less critical of others. He's humbled me. My daughter was a perfect baby, and I'm not exaggerating. And I accredited it to my "perfect" parenting. I was *that* person that looked down on others who couldn't "control" their unruly children, their babies that cried in restaurants.... It took all of oh, four days of doing exactly what I did with my daughter to realize this little boy needed a whole different baby manual and uh, he didn't come with it. (lol) He wanted to held by me 24/7, and not just held, like while sitting in a chair. He wanted to be *moved*. The car was a nightmare...because it meant he wasn't being held. That child spent his first year of life attached to me in some form...GOD BLESS my Bjorn.... Him and I share a special bond and yes, he's a mamma's boy. And I love that about him....  EE danced at 8:00 AM (6) comments |
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